- It is ugly. Yes there is some degree of beauty. For like, a minute. Afterward the vast expanse of rock and scraggly plant life begins to look just like what Hollywood depicts the world as after it's been destroyed and the survivors become scavengers trying to live off the cruel terrain.
- It's dead. I mean not totally but in some places, totally.
- The plants are mean. The things that do grow there look mean. Angry, thorny, gnarly things deformed to match the ugliness of their black hearts. And there's jumping cacti and, really, under no circumstance should I be assaulted by vegetation.
- When it's not flat, it's cliffs of death. And never can you be just chillin' by a cliff of death. Oh no. You must be making a treacherous turn. Too far one way, you slam into the face of rock! Too far the other way, you drop! And when there's two way traffic!!! As if you aren't concerned enough with your own ability to navigate these turns, you have to trust other people not to kill you! Rule #1 of Driving: Do NOT trust other drivers!
- There are, like, no trees. Goes hand in hand with things above but really, the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of my country have trees. So if you go off the side of a mountain, you don't die, the trees embrace you with their warm arms and keep you from plummeting to ground very very far away. Jacob tried to tell me that trees weren't that awesome until we went into a valley and the bottom of the mountain had trees. It was glorious. Deep, mysterious, beckoning. Then we got past them and the world looked like the surface of Mars again.
- Burn Bans. Ok. What is this? "Burn Ban" psh. You can't have a fire, at your campsite, in a huge metal barrel. WHAT IS THERE TO BURN?!?!? If the entire place goes up in flames will it look that much different!??!??! I DIDN'T GET S'MORES, PEOPLE! NO S'MORES WERE HAD AND I WAS CAMPING!
- It was cold. The desert was cold. Listen, I have no problem with the heat. When it hit 100, I wasn't complaining! (Although I did like those little mister things around the Starbucks patios...) But the desert has NO BUSINESS being cold! It's a desert. I feel like it needs to be hot by definition! I hate the cold!
- There's no cell service. "Oh your car broke down in the middle of nowhere? And you forgot to buy water at the last gas station because you didn't realize the desert is the devil's land? LOL. Have fun walking under the unforgiving rays of the sun on your "refreshing Coca Cola!" It's 100 miles to the next town. HAHAHHAA. dead."
- I saw no elk. The one thing I was excited about on those absurdly dull and endless hours driving through the desert (please imagine that I am spitting this word out with disgust.) I was promised elk and there were none to be seen! I saw signs for buffalo; there was buffalo. I saw signs for deer; there were deer. I saw signs for cows; there were cows. But when the sign said "Hey Elizabeth, you're going to see elk now! Watch for them!" ONLY LIES!
- It's dry. I'm from the oceanfront. THE OCEANFRONT! I NEED WATER IN THE AIR! My skin has grown accustom to it! I prefer there to be so much water in the air that Spongebob going to the beach makes sense to me! My skin was dry! I didn't even know what was happening at first... Lost, scared, confused = my desert experience.
Luckily for me. I am going to Papua New Guinea, where it's beautiful and fertile and the plants are beautiful and the terrain is dynamic and there are an abundance of trees and there are no silly burn bans and cold is defined at 78 degrees and there's cell phone service and the animals they tell me to watch for are actually there and its wet. Ah, Papua New Guinea, the Land of the Unexpected, how you call to my soul! How you and I were selected for one another by a great and all-knowing God who knew how much we would love each other. Soon, my dear, soon we will be reunited again!
Death and Rocks
Beautiful Arial View of PNG
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