Coffee with Elizabeth - Solutions and Worries

"I had a dream." I swirl my coffee around with one of those stupid wooden sticks that’s marginally better at stirring than dipping a plastic straw in hot liquid but not by much. But I'm not stirring, I'm swirling. "I had a dream that we were dropped off in Katiati and the helicopter left. I looked off the mountain at the gorgeous view offered by my new home. The sun was setting and the sky was streaked with pink and gold, it was beautiful. And then I started to cry."

I cringe looking up at you but you don't seem to be judging me. So I go on.

"This was my new home. And what is it? 400kg of essential junk under a tin roof.

"No." I cut my hand through the air to break off any romantic ideas you may have of rain on a tin roof. "A tin roof turns a house into an oven. We had a tin roof in village living during POC. I was concerned I would literally bake.

"Literally.

"At what temperature can you bake?

"If I fell asleep in a room that was hot enough to literally bake me, would I wake up?

"Literally, these were the thoughts I tried to fall asleep while entertaining. I'm not sure if it was the thoughts or the heat that made sleep impossible…"

"And then the nationals would tell us we need to stay up and story with them until 10pm! 'No! You got your nap time under your nice little morota roof. When the baby goes down, Mommy goes down!'"

I fume for a moment at the memory, but then the spark of indignation fades from my eyes before I take a sip of coffee and resume my absent-minded swirling.

"So I get up from this dream with my mind to some comfort items, right? Because if you have a problem, you should fix it! I read my (still) favorite book in middle school. "Don't focus on the problem, Richard, focus on the solution!" His grandfather was a wizard of the First Order. Very prestigious. And well deserved! His words were - are! life shaping to me.

"So I make a list: coffee mugs- You remember my collection of coffee mugs goal? A collection of coffee mugs that are so awesome that just drinking out of them makes the day better? I made a Pinterest list of the ones I want and people buy them for me as presents some times. -the bath mat (I saw it one day at Walmart and fell in love. But I didn't buy it. I walked into Walmart every day for the next month and every day I thought about that bath mat. The next time I saw it, I bought two! I figured it's worth the $15 if every time I step out of my bucket shower I can be so delighted!), a coloring book and pens, a deck of cards, a book of crosswords, my reclining camping chairs…"

My smile from listing the things to make me happy fades.

"We had to cut the chairs. They were heavy and not a necessity… The bath mat got cut too. And everything else on that list is on the chopping block in the event the helicopter can't carry maximum capacity…

"See the thing about essential junk is, it's not pretty nor happy making, but it is… essential. When malaria treatment weighs as much as a deck of cards, guess which one's going to get cut? And the LAME thing is, the treatment will get tossed in the corner and never get used! But we don't know  that so we have to be prepared.
"Bleach, bug spray, sunscreen, clothespins, clothesline, mosquito coils, sheets, pillows, sponges, oven mitt. None of these things are… happy making. But we need them. And all their stupid weight adds up!"

I take a deep breath and a sip of coffee and let the tension out of my shoulders. 

"But focus on the solution, right? So I sat down to make a list of 100 things I could do for self-care in the village."

I grin sheepishly.

"I only have 26… It's harder than it sounds!" I retort to your laugh.

"100 is a lot! And 'nothing' is not a lot to go on!" I scowl and resolve to sip my coffee until you've regained control of yourself.

"But it's like… Ok, when I was in the village in 2010 as a young single intern, it was all, wooo honeymoon stage, right? And even then there were times where it was sitting around and doing nothing but not even being comfortable in that because you're white and you have an audience, right? But there! There was a hauswin, like a pagoda or a pavilion or something. Cool, windy, mine. Well, not really mine, but I wasn't a guest. In 2012, there was no hauswin, so it was go be someone's guest if you want to get out of the stifling house.

"In village living we had a shaded area outside our house, but it was right next to the wasfemili's house, so it wasn't really private or anything…

"I don't know… The bulk of my village experiences are me sitting in the dirt doing nothing awkwardly. To be fair, the bulk of my village experiences were in village living where the bulk of my "work" was to prove I could survive!

"My first trip to the Mum was great! But they worked me 26 hours of the three days I was there. Not a lot of nothing!

"My first semester in college, I took 18 credit hours, added 6 hours of crash courses in Biblical languages, had a part time job and a role in the Student Ministry and served at church every Sunday morning. It was, by far, my most academically excellent semester. The next semester, I took 14 credit hours and nearly bombed.

"I thrive under pressure. And I don't know… It'll be interesting to see… 

"I don't want to sit in the dirt bored!"

I fling my wooden stirrer emphatically and throw foam on our neighbor's table. She's chatting away on the phone, sounds like a business meeting.

"She didn't notice!" I hiss cringing in regret.

"Yet. She will. And she'll hate us more. She thinks we're a little bombastic."

You give me a look.

"Ok ok fine! I'm a little bombastic."