Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Parable of the Newborn's Needs

I know it's the most horrible thing in the world or whatever to be wistfully anticipating the next stage in my child's life instead of just enjoying this one.
But.
I can't wait until my kid can actually, like, love me.
I hear mommies talk about how their kid crawl to them for books, or cuddles, or milk or about how their kid spends "nursing time" stroking mommy's face and babbling incoherently, about how their kids reach out and love their mommies.
My kid, through no fault of his little 3 1/2 week old self, doesn't really indicate that he loves me. Or that I really even exist.
If he stops crying when I pick him up, it's because he found comfort and he's pleased about being comforted. If he stops crying to nurse, its because he's pleased to have food. If he stops crying after a diaper change, it's because he's pleased to have discomfort taken out of his life. The most I get is a brief moment of eye contact before they lose focus on me. He's pleased with the things I give him, but he doesn't seem to realize that it's me who gives it. That there's an entity whose heart swells every time I look at him. Who's taking the time to meet these needs. Instead, he fusses and cries until his grievances in life are gone.
One day, and I know it will come, he'll see me and love me. He'll learn to come to me when he needs something and will trust me to take care of those needs. He'll come to me when he doesn't need something too. He'll come to me just to cuddle. He'll come to me just to babble about the little things a baby spends his time worrying about. And I just can't wait to be loved by the person I love so very very much.

But as I shove the pacifier into my son's mouth for the umpteenth time, I can't help but wonder if God feels the same way about many of His children.