My readings for my Missionary Formation class have mostly been Christian Living types of books. The other day something stuck out to me. It applied really well to my personal walk. Talking with a friend shortly thereafter, the same words applied to her as well. In that same conversation, we identified an area of growth that she needed to work in. The next textbook I picked up was for that exact thing and, turns out, while my problems in that area are harder to see, it only means it's easier for me to live without addressing that failing, but it applied to me as well.
So I'm going to share some thoughts about my homework on this blog. The ones that might change my life, the ones that make me angry, the ones that are eloquent. And maybe you, my dear supporters, will appreciate them as well.
Brother Lawrence wrote that whenever he fails, he confesses his sins to the Lord and says, "I can't do any better if you leave me to myself." And then walks forward, away from his transgression, with the Lord.
(The quote isn't verbatim and and his words don't imply that Christ left him, so don't read it that way.)
I love that. I love the freedom I have in being completely incapable.
"Oh, no! I did something wrong!"
Surprise, surprise!
I'm a filthy sinner.
I'm powerless to do anything, except cling to Christ.
So, when I mess up, I say, "Yeah... sorry. I'm going to need more of You."
And most importantly, let go of this absurd expectation of myself that I'm not going to screw up, let go of the guilt I have for messing up, and experience the freedom that Christ promised His followers.
BAM!
Liberating!
I just don't feel that I can bask in the presence of God if I'm too consumed in pointing out all of my flaws and wrap myself into a blanket burrito and cry.
God is all, "Um, yeah. You mess up a bunch. But Jesus, remember Him? He took care of that. So stop focusing on yourself and just hang out with Me. Because... well... you're kind of doing it again. Failing. You're being really prideful, all wrapped up in yourself. So stop. And just be with Me."
"What? Self-loathing? That's not a thing?"
"Yeah. That's not a thing."
3 comments:
A much needed message - thanks!
What were the books in question, btw?
Ah, yes. That would be useful information!
The Practice Of The Presence Of God: Brother Lawrence's Conversations and Letters
http://thepracticeofthepresenceofgod.com/onlinetext/
This knowledge coupled with the same attitude toward success. Meaning success is not ours to own it is His. We don't have to hold to failure, and we don't have to struggle to succeed. It is all in God's hands. When applied to all of life's little and big things is profoundly freeing!!!
You touched on my heart with this one. Loved reading/listening to his book.
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