Preach Purity Prematurely

from the mouth of pretty-recently-a-teen

"What's sex?"
I was eight years old. My mom and I were in the car pulling into the Rack n' Sack parking lot, which was this dingy grocery store that saved money by not stacking items on the shelves so it was like walking into the back of a normal grocery store. I remember that she stiffened and took a deep breath.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to!" I quickly amended. I knew whatever my classmates were talking about in school was meant to be whispered away from teachers.
But with resolve she said, "No. If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to know."
(I didn't see until typing this right now how far opposite this is with what I'm preparing to say. Considering my mother's circumstance, she raised me better than I think anyone would have anticipated. I mean, I'm the rebel child and I'm going to be a missionary so.... She also raised me to be a discerning person with my own opinions so hopefully she won't feel too hurt that I disagree. But we'll get to that).
And after bracing herself. She told me. About how reproduction works.
Kids remember stuff. And things they hear when they are small, they carry with them and often come to strongly believe or not question ever. Conversations with my father, quoting his past teachings, has proven how very careful you should be when speaking as children often take words at face value. So this incomplete idea of sex later did me a great disservice.
When my mother later told me that Jesus didn't want me to have sex until I was married, the definition I had heard years earlier was the definition I applied. The word was not further discussed.
It's an awkward subject. I know it is. My husband cringes of the idea of having the talk with children that haven't even been conceived yet. So that she didn't want to get into is understandable. And I as a teenager didn't want to hear it. But it really really really needs to be done.
Now, all of my sins and shortcomings are 100% my fault. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mother did NOT want me doing the things I had been doing. But I honestly thought, at least at first, that Jesus didn't have a problem with it. Because it wasn't sex.
But we know, (now) we all know, (hopefully) that it's about more than sex. It's about purity.

Parents, teenagers do this crazy thing. They stop listening to you and they start listening to their friends. This isn't something that should wait until they hear it at school and start asking questions or turn to friends who are like, kids, what do they know? You are their parent. You have been there and done that. And you know way more than their friends think they know. You need to share that wisdom before they stop listening. Puberty is too late to start talking to them about purity. More than purity, teach them modesty and teach them how they should be treated by men. Because unless you have raised AMAZING children (and if so please message me and tell me how be just like you), your words will fall on deaf ears.

My mom taught me about modesty at a young age. And that's a lesson that stuck. In grocery stores, I would look at a magazine and say how pretty a woman was. "Yes, she's pretty. But not a nice pretty." My mother said referring to her skimpy attire. "Look at this girl. She's pretty too, isn't she?" "Yes!" "And she how she's pretty without showing all her body? That's a nice pretty." Today I walked outside with a spaghetti strap shirt. I was in a rush and thought I was wearing a sleeveless shrug over it. I remember thinking "!!!! My mother raised me better than this!!!" (Not to say that spaghetti straps are skanky. But I'm already breaking mommy's rules wearing tank tops, much to her dismay...) But as high as her standards are, my sleeves will never (except for today) be thinner than an inch, my shorts will never be but an inch shorter than mid-thigh (I buy size 13 and they sit on my hips), and my skirts will never be as short as mid-thigh. (Again my mother is aghast and even at 21 I have bought clothes in defiance. It's the rebel in me! "A skirt three inched above the knee! Take that, Mom!") (Can we applaud my mother's parenting here?  I mean, well done.)

A lesson I missed out on was how women should be treated. This needs to be modeled. A LOT. And if you have a broken home, that is not going to happen. Even with my father remarried, I didn't get to see this A LOT. I can imagine that being divorced is... I can't imagine. I can't imagine even being a child of divorce. But your kid needs to see a healthy marriage modeled if they hope to have one! And, oh my gosh, start before it's too late! Before they start dating and start unhealthy relationships. Find a healthy married couple and beg them, pay them! to incorporate your kid into their lives. For sleepovers and family outings and more. So they can see A LOT of modeling. So that they know if a guy interrupts you to ask why they should care about your story, that guy is a jerk. So that they know if a guy pressures them and makes them uncomfortable, that guy is a jerk. So that they know if they aren't radiating the joy they see in the model wife's face, the guy they're dating is a jerk. When the media tells them that true love overcomes obstacles, have a real couple show them how and show them what obstacles aren't worth sticking with a guy (who they're not married to) "true love" or otherwise. But you have to show them when they're young enough to listen. Because when they, when I was in a relationship with a deadbeat dude, I was far too "in love" to hear a word against it. I dated guys who told me they didn't care about what I was saying. I dated guys who wouldn't commit so they could sleep around (I wouldn't have sex). I dated drunkards and potheads and wanna-be gangstas. My skirts weren't too short but my standards were.

And from a young age, when they're still memorizing and internalizing every word that drops off your tongue, teach them about purity. Not about dirtiness. Don't make them feel dirty if they mess up. If Jesus can wash our sins white as snow, I believe He can handle our bodies. But teach them about baggage. Guide them to fall in love with their husband before they know him. And teach them about baggage and what that can do. Baggage has you laying in bed with your husband while your traitorous heart and mind is reminded of someone else. Baggage has you not telling your husband about stories from your past because he doesn't want to hear about someone else touching your heart or anything else, anything else that is supposed to be his and his alone. Baggage is despicable and old and gross and full of regret and never seems to go away. So, please, please, teach your child when they're young enough to listen. Before they go finding baggage and putting their name on it.

This has been on my heart, I guess. I miss working with teenage girls. And I remember all too well their struggles in dating. But it was too late. They were already brainwashed, like I was, in a society driven by finding value in your relationships with men. You didn't not date. Only losers didn't date. Which of course made those who struggled to find a man all that more willing to stay in a crappy relationship so they wouldn't be alone again. Please, please, teaches these girls, whom I love so much, without even knowing them all my heart breaks for them and the pain I know they'll have, teach them while they'll still listen.

(Barely) Surviving the Grand Canyon

I did some reading before we left, and there's pretty much no good sources on the entirety of the internet about hiking in the Grand Canyon (that I could find before I left. After I got back the internet was all "Here let me show you everything you now know!"). But what I did find was some posts about how the North Kaibab Trail from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon to the Roaring Springs is a day hike for an "experienced hiker". Now, if you're like me, you may be wondering what an experienced hiker looks like. I mean, I'm not some rotund tourist! I'm a healthy individual who has gone on some pretty long hikes in the jungles of Papua New Guinea! I can walk for, like, ever. This being the case, I was pretty sure that I could handle some measly 9 mile hike (round-trip).
I was wrong.
Very wrong.
We started our hike off with energy and enthusiasm! Downhill... I was going great! Even Jacob confessed that I was putting him and his sore legs to shame. I fell twice, scraping my knees. Jacob wanted to do first aid, but I brushed it and the dirt off and kept going. Just a flesh wound! When blisters started appearing, I put on some band-aids and persevered! After 3 hours, we got to the bottom, down to Roaring Springs!
We planned to stay there until the heat of the day had passed. But try as I might, I couldn't nap and I became more and more anxious that I wouldn't be able to make it up the canyon swiftly. A very very valid concern as I was soon to find out.
So at 12:30, we headed up. And it soon became very very apparent that the Canyon was going to try to kill me. I would walk 100 paces on a shady level path before I had to stop and rest. And the sunny steep parts were much much worse.
There are various segments of the trip. Going down: A very steep white sandy path until the natural tunnel. There water and bathrooms can be found. Afterwards is the walk to the bridge, less steep but, I mean, we're still in a canyon. After the bridge, walking on the west side of the canyon, there's a not very steep at all stretch (not exceptionally steep, but still in the Grand Canyon) and then you see the waterfall. Beautiful and back to pretty steep until you get to the bottom.
It was in that first stretch back up that I told Jacob I was going to die in that Canyon. Jacob took my jesting as a sign that I was still doing all right. A sign that would soon disappear.
After the waterfall was out of sight, I told Jacob that when we got out of this stupid canyon, I was going to have a nice long cry. I overestimated not only my ability as a hiker, but my ability to keep it together. By the time we got to the bridge, I had ran out of water in my camelback. Jacob still had some in his and I had a waterbottle but we were low and the tunnel was still a ways off. It was about here I started crying. Intermittently. I would get to the end of a switchback, look up, and sob at the loathsome angle of the next stretch. The jokes that Jacob made fell on humorless ears; my face was too tired to smile. My pack was unloaded and moved to fill Jacob's. Long. Slow. Hot. Finally we reached water. Jacob had intended for us to sit and rest but I wanted out of that horrible canyon and now! So we went on. We stopped very frequently, every several paces, to rest. By this point even Jacob needed it. The stops were regular but short, as the need to be out of the canyon was stronger than our weariness. We were so broken by the canyon that even when we saw the end of the trail, even when it was looming just before us, we needed to stop again to rest. 6 hours. 6 hours it took to get from the bottom up.
Now what little the internet told me said it should be a 6-8 hour hike total. So our 9 hour time was pathetic. Although had I actually rested for 4 solid hours like I was supposed to, the trek might have been a bit easier. We will never know. Because I will never ever do that again.
Two full days later, I am still sore all over.

About 2 hours into the ascent. 

Jacob googled the trail after we got out and his searches said "very steep" "most difficult of maintained trails" "difficulty level: difficult" so maybe I should feel good about it after all. Since, you know, apparently I'm not an experienced hiker....

Have you hiked in the Grand Canyon? Have you any near death hiking tales? I'd love to hear your comments!

Great vs. Good

The trip to the Grand Canyon was a great trip. It reminded me of my first trip to PNG. It, too, was a great trip. A miserable trip full of aches, pains, tears, sweat, and blood. But a great trip nonetheless.
I feel like there's an important difference between good and great.
Like God. God is great. And God is good. And this isn't redundancy.
God is great in that He is almighty, creator, king, eternal, all-knowing, etc.
God is good in that He is just, loving, merciful, generous, faithful, etc.
Great vs. Good.
So this trip and the internship were great as in I learned so much from them and they were legendary experiences.
They were not good trips which would be to say that I had so much fun, and I was so relaxed, and all my dreams came true.
Oh no.
I went to the Grand Canyon and I learned a lot of lessons.
Learning life lessons isn't really fun.
I learned about myself. I learned about my marriage. And I learned about the Grand Canyon.
Too much to write in one post. Others will be forthcoming. (My overarching experience) But I think it suffices to say:
We hiked from the top of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon down to the bottom and back in a day (Well, the bottom of the section we were at, I'm sure there are areas closer to sea level than we were...).
Checked that off the bucket list!

What great trips have you had where the word "good" wasn't applicable? What have you checked off your bucket list recently? I'd love to hear your comments!

Our PD Trip - Surprise '13

Presently we're in Surprise, AZ! This is my third time being in the area. That one time, 2 years ago, that I traveled across the country, making connections, has made some great friends and supporters that we take the time to catch up with annually.
After the PNG lunch in Dallas as a part of PMI, Jacob and I hit the road. I drove 17 hours straight, arriving in Arizona at 4am. Between that time and our scheduled 1 pm lunch with a supporter, I slept about 2 hours total. Jacob slept for 6. His ability to sleep where ever when ever is enviable.
Our lunch was fantastic. It was so good to see them again and it was Jacob's first time meeting them! Afterwards, we were able to visit Just Church, my local contact's church plant. During second service we were able to serve in the nursery. As my local contact was formerly the children's minister at Forefront, who I served under while there, the children's ministry is the first place my services are utilized.
Following church, Jacob went to help a family move while I went home to get the sleep I had been missing since 9:30am the preceding morning. At 7:30, I went to sleep and, at 7:30, I woke up. 12 solid hours of beautiful sleep in a magnificent bed. 12 solid hour the world's lightest sleeper slept in a twin size bed with her husband. Dead to the world.
This morning we had planned on going to CCV to see if we could bump into another old friend I had been unable to get a hold of. However, in the year since I had last seen him, he began working at Just Church! And so there were no demands on our morning.
Instead we headed off to Starbucks. I finished an article that's due date was imminent (I work as a professional blogger, often as a ghostwriter) and Jacob finished a newsletter! As Jacob and I both write professionally and have personal blogs to maintain and Jacob is going to start writing soon (see his search for a hobby), our time at Starbucks did not conclude with those tasks. Rather we switched locations at lunch to Pei Wei, resuming writing while there, and returned to Starbucks for more quality time with computers and coffee. The subsequent time in the area will be spent in a similar fashion and hopefully punctuated by get togethers with friends who haven't yet set a time.

This is a pretty rainbow we saw on our drive. 

4 Reasons Why My Supporters Want Me To Go On Vacation

I'm going on vacation soon! We'll be camping at the Grand Canyon for three nights and plan on going hiking while we're there. We're super excited to get away from our laptops and demands on our time and just spend time together enjoying the magnificence of God painted on the face of Grand Canyon.

But my mom is VERY concerned that if I tell people about my vacation that it will ... I don't know... bother them. I guess she coming from a place of "I'm supporting you, giving you money, so you can do Bible Translation, not so you can go on vacation." And I guess that's a reasonable first reaction. But there are some secondary thoughts that have many of my partners stoked to hear I'm going on vacation.

Partners support my work because they want to see the Bible get translated in Papua New Guinea. Vacations do a lot to that end.

• The number one reason missionaries leave the field is team conflict.
  My main team member, the one I'll be spending pretty much all my time with, is my husband. I heard a sermon by Vince Antonucci saying that a key to a healthy marriage is a daily time, weekly date, and annual get away. So investing in a vacation is not only investing in my team relationship but my marriage. If this relationship starts to go downhill, one of the first steps to fixing it will be leaving the field. 
• Another major reason people leave the field is burn out.
  I'm tired. Like really tired. The semester has been killer and I can't just keep moving like this. But it's hard to just rest when my laptop is sitting right there. So we're going to step away from technology. (I heard wi-fi is hard to get in the Grand Canyon). As much as I feel this way now, the feeling will be even greater when in the jungle. Developing a habit when it's easy to will be beyond beneficial when burn out is an even greater threat and knowing when to take a break becomes essential. Sometimes you need to get away so you can stay longer. 

To address the use of funds:

• I'm cheap. Like, super cheap. My four day vacation is $64. Camping is cheap. Any supplies that have been purchase were also necessary for bush living and their weights for transportation were considered, because I don't want to buy something twice or pay much to transport it. (i.e. Keens, water filter, water bottle (We left our Keens in PNG when we were there since we figured they would probably break during a term and we would need more. Leaving them there, buying new ones and bringing those over next time was the least expensive solution!) The trip there will be a slight detour off my Partnership Development trip to Phoenix. We picked this location because we would already be over there. I am a penny pincher!  
• Included in my budget is both work expenses and salary. Our salary is like $20,000. We live frugally and budget in a vacation because we know how important it is to our longevity on the field. Supporters come on knowing that they are funding both work expense and salary. But presently, at our current level of support, that money goes exclusively to training, work expenses (like PD trips or promotional literature printing), and whatever's left helps with rent and food. Both Jacob and I are presently working other jobs to supplement our income. We are generating so much extra income that we don't withdraw all of the support we receive and are slowly saving money to be used for fund-raising trips and eventually start-up costs of our move to PNG. 

So we're going on vacation. To the Grand Canyon. From Tuesday to Friday. And we're super stoked about it. And we hope you are too! If you're not, we hope that you'll prayerfully consider these reasons why other supporters are for it. We want you to be pleased with the way we handle the money entrusted to us and we don't want to be the sort of missionaries who don't talk about things they do for fear it will offend their supporters. We want to share our lives openly, and honestly, and entirely. So... yeah.... there it is. Our vacation plans. Pictures to follow. 

My Summer Reading List

I LOVE to read. When I was younger, my mother would feel the need to come in my room every few hours to make sure that I was still alive. Her intrusions weren't well received.... She was interrupting some really major stuff! And then I was going to have to stop and restart and then I would starts seeing words again and sometimes it takes a few minutes for the words to go away and the book to consume. (To avid book readers the previous statement is quite sensical!)  She threw off my groove!

Anyway, as always, school makes pleasure reading a twinkling star, beautiful, entrancing, but so far away, so out of reach.

But school is out!!!
And I intend to spend the summer hunched over fantastic books! (And the fall semester visiting a chiropractor.)

So here are the books I plan on reading:
(Note: I am NOT recommending these books! I have not read them. I don't know if they're good or appropriate or anything!)

•  Rain on Your Wedding Day - finished reading it. Super good. Sad. But the last line is all "It's a sad story..." "The world needs sad stories." Beautiful, am I right?
• The Green Ticket - Currently reading. Update 6/14: A story about choosing between whats right and money. The antagonist is in the adult industry and is promiscuous. While there are no steamy scenes and his behavior is viewed as despicable, this might not be a novel for a younger reader. 
• The Bell Jar - I read this book in 2008. But it's come time to read it again. I have pretty much no memory of the book. So... definitely time.
• The Locket - I'm apprehensive about this one. Mystical fiction has become so popular that a lot of it is fluff. The synopsis makes it look like a Narnia kinda thing. Hopefully it's awesome. Update 6/23: A childrens/youth fiction of a girl who finds herself in another world and must save the day. Strong motifs of freedom, women's freedom, freedom in choosing, and freedom from grief. 
• In the Shadow of Lions - A Boleyn Novel. I read the Other Boleyn Girl and it was good. Hopefully this will be too. I really love the fantasy fiction with horses and carriages and noble households. This is, like, half of that!
• The Emperor of Paris - I've got nothing. It looks like a book set in Paris. We'll see. 
• The Taming - The cover looks risque. But it's by a youth author... I love youth books! They're enchanting while avoiding sexual encounters with their characters. Maybe some romance, maybe some intimacy, but nothing steamy. There's nothing I hate more than getting interested in a book and coming across something that makes it unreadable. 
• Wonder - A story about an ugly kid who goes to school. "You'll laugh and you'll cry!" We shall see.

Ok, books I have read and do recommend:

 Epic 

•  Way of Kings - SOOOOO good.
• Wizard's First Rule  - Part of the Sword of Truth Series. My FAVORITE SERIES. 

Apocalyptic 

• The Hunger Games - Before letting your children read books about how children aggressively and brutally murder each other for the amusement of others, read it first and do a chapter by chapter discussion to pull out those beautiful values of love, sacrifice, and rebellion. 
• The Uglies - People undergo plastic surgery to make themselves pretty. They cut their brain in the process so they won't rise up. 
• The Giver - the oldest in this genre are the best!
• 1984 - another old one.
• Divergent - To make you happy again when you finish the Hunger Games Trilogy. 

Realistic 

• 13 Little Blue Envelopes - Finds a package of letters from dead aunt. Letter bring her on an adventure to Europe. 
• Stupid and Contagious - I LOVE this book. A little bit of sexual content but more talking about it in a hilarious stitches in your side kind of way as opposed to the steamy sort. 

Youth 

• HARRY POTTER - I walked out of the movie theater after watching the 8th movie and in doing so I walked out of my childhood. 
• Mister Monday - Pretty Good. Pretty Good. 
• Pendragon - A fun series! There's this one line, when the Queen slapped his face and cried because he hurt her hard and he's all "I'm sorry I hit your hand with MY FACE!" lol!
• Artemis Fowl - This book is so good. Also, it has this fairy language, well orthography with a one to one ratio with the characters in the Alphabet. Anyway, every page has some at the bottom. I deciphered it and translated the mini-story at the bottom when I was 11. Translation started early in my life....

Book recommendations are welcome! Have you read any of these? What did you think? What books have you read this summer? And what books do you insist others should try?

How This Last Semester will Affect My Daily Life in PNG

I am productive at all times of the day!
...I'm just more productively productive in the morning.
And "morning" should be redefined for this post...

In the morning, I get on my computer. My amazing husband starts brewing coffee. During this time, homework and blogging takes place. (I blog for people and they pay me for it. It's a sweet gig.) The MOMENT that anything else happens, morning is over.

The car breaks down and I have to deal with that. Over.
I have a morning coffee appointment. Over.
I have to work in the library. After that work, over.
I eat. Over.
(The word "over" starts to look funny when you type it a bunch. I will abstain from doing so.)

After this, I can do other things. TONS of other things. Just not VERY productively and often not financially beneficial.
I can clean out my inbox.
I can personal blog.
I can craft. (My most recent crafts have been gifts so that's ... you know... purposeful.)
I can read.
I can clean. (If it can be done while watching TV. Which is fine since the room in most desperate need of cleaning is the room my computer is in, since, well, I live in this room. Jacob cleans the kitchen. and I bring the laundry in here.)
I can do work for PBT. (Out of place, I know. But I really like working for PBT...)

So things I don't really want to do. Morning. Before I'm awake enough to rebel against obligations.

The Rule Breaker: When I'm held accountable. So, getting together with a group of people FOR THE SAKE of working.
Working at the restaurant (I just walked in there again. Everyone was like "I haven't seen you in FOREVER!" I was all, "Honey. I've quit." "Good call.")
Afternoon classes.
Evening Greek Study Sessions. (Based on the commitment level of the others present...)
Deadlines.

Consequently,
I need to place the stuff I need to get done on my own at the front of the day. And everything else later.
I foresee wanting to do homeschooling first thing. (A missionary told me her son liked to finish his work ASAP so he could go play with his friends.)
I intend to schedule checking sessions with the national translators in the afternoon since, if they're coming, not only MUST I be productive, but also I MUST be prepared.
It's hard to say what things I won't want to do and so must place in the morning. I would say the boring data entry or what I did for homework in Greek and Discourse Analysis but when in PNG and doing such things I just really love doing it....
I'm sure there will be something I don't want to do and now I have a spot in my schedule carved out for it, ready for my unproductive tendencies. But when I try to put my finger on it, I just get super excited about the career I have before me. An excitement which, counter-intuitively, I need to squish.

I have a calling. I'm very lucky like that. Most people don't know what they want to do with their lives, but here I am, 23 years old, with a goal I've been chasing FOR 7 YEARS! By the time I get to the village I will have been working toward this for 10 years. A DECADE! 40% of my life. You see, despite this calling, this epic adventure that God has invited me to be a part of, I've been watching years go by chilling in Dallas. Living in Dallas is not epic. It's hard to be a part of something as dull as my present life when I'm supposed to be elsewhere. And the more I think of what's ahead, the most difficult to bear is my current circumstances. You think about it a little bit to keep you moving forward because these steps have purpose. But just a little bit. Otherwise depression sets in and you start screaming about how boring your life is and then you curl up into a burrito. I've been there.
But the fact of the matter is that taking classes in Dallas is very boring compared to hiking through the jungles, leading Bible studies, getting caught up in fights and subsequently hit with a machete, flying in a helicopter, translating the Bible, going snorkeling, developing literacy materials, and bathing in a river while constantly watching for crocodiles.
And it's not like I can even get involved in something worthwhile here! When I'm not swamped with school work, I try to travel as much as possible to raise support so that when we can go, we can GO! Such a short term and preoccupied schedule doesn't work well with mentoring middle schoolers. (That's kinda my thing. Teaching kids how to incorporate the Bible in their daily lives. WOW! That's like half of my job description! I just noticed that! But... I mean... Scripture Impact.... It's kinda my thing. Hahaha). Yeah, so that's lame.

But here I am, keeping on keeping on. I just have one more semester. Just one more semester.....