Top Ten Reasons I'm Stoked to Raise a Jungle Child

Is there such thing as a stupid question?
The sassy side of me screams YES!
The linguist in me acknowledges that there is probably some kind of miscommunication or an assumption that I have that the questioner does not.
So when someone asks me, "Are you taking your baby with you to the jungle?"
...
There's a sarcastic voice in my head that says, "No. We figured we'd leave him with a colony of Texan armadillos. I've heard they're very nurturing."
Thankfully, there's also a logical side of my brain. It says that, as much as I find any alternative to be absurd, they probably think me taking a helpless infant to the jungle is absurd. While I wonder what other answer they're looking for, they are probably desperate to see another answer that isn't as horrible as the simple "yes."
But, in case you were wondering, I will be taking my child to the jungle with us, and I am super excited about it! Let me tell you why.

Top Ten Reasons I'm Stoked to Raise A Jungle Child

10. No clothing
Small children in Papua New Guinea run around naked. Older children wear a pair of shorts until they are literally falling off of them. Older children still receive a t-shirt and shorts until the same fate befalls them. As I hear parents lamenting about how much the Back-to-School wardrobe is running them, I just smile and think of my little naked village boy, who, one day, might need me to spend a couple of dollars on shorts for.
9. Coconuts
Coconuts grow at the very top of palm trees. I don't know how to climb a palm tree, but little village children are great at it. And my child will be a little village child. So whenever I need my thirst to be quenched, I can send him scrambling up a tree with a machete and have him throw a couple down.
8. Sweet Machete Skills
From the time they can wobble on two feet, village children grab hold of those useful bush knives and start "helping". They learn at an early age that machete's are sharp and to be careful. But they also learn sweet skills. Like how to open that coconut my son just fetched for me with a single, well-placed thwack.
7. No cars
As often as I hear parents shouting to their oblivious child to look both ways before running into the street with reckless abandon, I am so glad that there aren't cars cruising through the village. The fact that their loud and stinky diesel engines aren't fouling the atmosphere is secondary to my child not getting smashed under their tires.
6. No buses
Along the same vein as cars, there are no buses! No waking up at ridiculous hours of the morning to pull grumpy children out of bed and race the clock to see their clothes donned, their teeth brushed, and their shoes put on. No standing outside waiting for that bus to round the corner so we can retreat to our house and find where we left our coffee in the chaos of the morning.
5. Homeschool without qualms
Though even if there were a bus, I suppose we wouldn't have to worry about it as we're homeschooling. But we get to homeschool without the worry of whether or not it's the best choice. We don't have to stress about how much social interaction and how many extracurricular activities they're missing out on. We don't have to agonize over our qualifications to teach various subjects. We just simply don't have another option. We homeschool by necessity. (Though I anticipate enjoying it!)
4. No Screen time issues
In our age of media, issues of screen-time become more and more complicated. In our home, however, the introduction of addicting screen games can be totally avoided and not perpetuated by neighboring children. Our son will believe that the good Lord invented the screen so that he could read books on it and complete his homework. My little oblivious son.
3. No materialism
It's pretty inevitable that when you declare your home to be in a place where children and pigs fight for scraps, and rocks and seeds are used to play Jacks, where eating meat is a treat, and malnutrition runs rampant, my son will not throw a temper tantrum because I didn't buy him a new Tonka truck.
2. It takes a Village
You often hear that it takes a village to raise a kid. We'll get to try this out ourselves! We'll have the entire village watching out for our precious cargo, meaning that we can let him go tromping about with his friends without worry of his safety. He may have a number of pseudo-moms taking a swat at him, but hopefully that will only teach him that he needs to be good all the time and not just around mom. The defiant "you're not my mom" I hear so often will be absurd as our son will know that you don't get to opt out of listening to others but you should always mind the words of someone who is guiding you to the proper course of action.
1. They'll be Missionary Kids
Missionary Kids, more commonly known as MKs, often get a bad rap for being really really weird. And that rap is often justified. But anecdotal evidence has me convinced that if they're raised by social normal parents then they'll be social normal kids. And, I mean, I'm awesome. But the thing that MKs really have going for them is their emphasis on family. When no one their age understands the collision of cultures that they've experienced, they turn to their family unit. MKs are open minded and well rounded kids with a firm grasp on holistic problems and global issues. They're also super great at interacting with adults.

Bonus - They're great ministry tools

There are pros and cons to living anywhere. But we're thrilled about the pros of the jungle.
Kids are born and live happy lives there everyday. While the infant mortality rate is a bit higher than we're used to here in America, most of those deaths are from preventable and curable diseases. We will have access to medications for our son and will hopefully be able to a be a blessing to other children in the village as well.